and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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