My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
