mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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