Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my liver is dry heaving
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
