Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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