I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
