Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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