I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
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