Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
