Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
