I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
