How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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