Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
