I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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