it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
