The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
