are you still at the devil's house?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
