i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
