It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
