I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
