So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
