"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
