i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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