Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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