remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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