farters have to be the big spoon...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
