i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need a burrito and a hug.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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