So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
its not stalking. its research.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
