I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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