trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
