Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
