You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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