i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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