I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
