just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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