Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
