you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
