Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
