I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
