yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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