I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
