i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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