chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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