Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
