sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize