But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Bang-toberfest begins!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
