in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize