maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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