went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
