we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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