I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
