he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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