So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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