I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
