My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
