i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
