My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want a musical about memes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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