Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
