There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
