Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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