my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
