Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
