We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
