oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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