hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
