Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
