His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
