I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
