And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
