I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
