whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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