Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
