i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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