saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
