VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
