I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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