I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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