She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
