Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
