Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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