Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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