Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
