end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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