3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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