hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
