I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
