I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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