I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
