Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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