I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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