WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
