You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
