i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
